Fat Ethiopian on tee-shirts Jesus would wear.

Nowadays, everyone is wearing a tee-shirts with a clever saying on it. Ever stop to think about the types of sayings that Jesus would have on his.

"Someone in Mississippi loves me!"
"Disneyland!"
"I love blondes!"

But nothing could beat the...
"I survived the crucifixion."
or
"Can turn water into wine."
"Think I am good looking, you should see my father!"

Fat Ethiopian on her Mother's sayings

Growing up, if we would whine to my mother that we were hungry -say after dinner, she would respond, "Well what do you want me to do about it? Cut of my ear and put ketchup on it for you?"
Of course not, Mom! Good God, you only had two ears and there were three of us!

I think, perhaps, when she was growing up in rural Ethiopia, her mother or grandmother would also say something similar. (I also have a feeling they were a lot hungrier than the three of us were after dinner.)
But, maybe minus the part about the condiments.
I mean, do they even have Ketchup in Ethiopia?

Fat Ethiopian on Eating Disorders

I knew I had an eating disorder, when I kept naming "the chewing of my food" as the problem!

Fat Ethiopian on an Active Lifestyle

Let's be honest, living an active lifestyle comes with some health risks.
I mean just the other day; I was walking in the park at a low to moderate pace and BOOM I looked up just in time to see a pigeon flying straight for my face!
What did I do to deserve that?
Before exercise entered my life, I spend my evening lying in my bed, watching TV, texting and surfing the internet -all at the same time. Sure I kept myself busy AND I was always safe! If danger was lurking in the corner, I was always given the heads up.
"4 Ads Blocked. Right click on big red button to unblock." Yeah right! Suckers!
or
"Click here if you are 18 years or older" Do I look 18, that was 10 years ago!
or
"Result not typical." Damn it! Back to texting!
Now, everyday at around 5pm, I am out there, alone, paranoid as hell at every Cardinal and Hummingbird.
What if an entire Quail Family decides to attack me?
GOD, WHICH WAY DO I RUN? THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM AND SOME OF THEM ARE STILL IN DIAPERS!

Fat Ethiopian on her Mother's 9th Death Anniversary

January 13, 2000...
It is difficult to believe that 9 years ago today my mom died.
When I think about my mom I think about the tattoo that she had across her chin. This was always one of the first things that people would ask about. The story goes that she stole the money, .15 cents, from her parents and secretly got the tattoo. Too bad it was on her face! Just a little hard to hid!
I think about her teeth. She always liked to brag that her side of the family had the straight teeth while my dad's side had the crooked teeth.
I think about her crazy henna hair. She always would dye her hair midnight black and then as the gray roots grew back, she would dye them bright red!
I think about her strength, her warmth and famous carrot cake. Her smile and her laugh. Her frustrations with the American way of life. Her love of Another World (you take me away...to Another World). I think about her crazy feet and toenails. Her beautifully kept fingernails.
Her silent rebellions against my dad, like bringing the TV back out when he put it away for the summer and the way she would say his first name if something was wrong. "Buddy!"
She was full of life and spirit. And when she learned to drive she would wait for the streets to be completely clear before she would cross traffic because, "She wasn't going to kill herself just because someone was honking their horn!"
I remember I asked her if she had any regrets one day in the hospital. I guess we knew that she was dieing, but didn't fully understand what that meant. She responded that she wished she could of bought me Guess Jeans and Nike sneakers. I wanted her to say that she wished she would've let me shave my armpits and wear a bra before the 8th grade!
Yet, even if she had, January 13, 2000 would've still come along. Somehow all of the Guess Jeans and Nike sneakers in the world couldn't fit into the whole in my heart.
So mom, if you are listening and you can read this, I love you and I miss you!
Thank you for being yourself and loving all of us the way you did!

Fat Ethiopian on Calling the Doctor before starting a new Diet

The other day, I was listening to the radio and the disclaimer at the end of a health ad stated that before we start any kind of diet or exercise program, we should consult our Physician.

Does anybody else see the problem with this... I cannot imagine calling up my doctor to ask her permission/advice before a 30 minute power walk or ordering a salad instead of a burger and fries. If this is really the case my doctor needs some kind of 24 hour crisis line.

*Ring, Ring *
"Yeah, Hi! Helen again... Look... I know that it is 3am, but I am hungry and I was just about to eat some organic baby carrots with fat free ranch dressing ... I know, I know, I know, I swear I only had one! ... Can't you just wake her up this once and see ... listen if it's too much trouble I am just going to go ahead and have a Little Debbie snack. No, really... it is no problem at all, I've got the Zebra Cakes right here! ... Okay, Good Night!"

*Ring*
"Hi Doc... listen I am going out with some friends for lunch, how does Salad World sound? ... You're right, too drastic! I will put my foot down and say you know what, I have to have the chicken fingers basket because of my health! ... I want to live! ... Thanks Doc, you always know what's best! "

Really America!